Snu-Snu’s

Chris Van Deelen

No. Enc: 1d6 or 10d12 in tribes
Alignment: Neutral
Movement: 150’ (50’)
Armor Class: 4 (no armor) 1 (armor)
Hit Dice: 14
Attacks: 2 ranged attacks or 4 melee attacks
Damage: by ranged weapon +1d6+1d(weapon dice type)+9 / +1d6+1d(weapon dice type)+9  / by Melee weapon +3d6+1d(weapon dice type)+1d6+18 / by Melee weapon +3d6+1d(weapon dice type)+1d6+18 / by Melee weapon +3d6+1d(weapon dice type)+1d6+18 / by Melee weapon +3d6+1d(weapon dice type)+1d6+18
Save: L14
Morale: 11
Hoard Class: I (x5), II (x5), V (x5), VII (75%), IX (60%), XIII, XIV, XXI (artifacts only)

At first glance, Snu-Snu’s appear to be perfectly ordinary human females. Until one realizes that they are on the average ten feet in height! If these humanoids are in fact mutations, then the chaotic gods of toxins and radiation decided that for once they would create something that is both beautiful and terrifying all in one gargantuan package.

There are those, as always, who argue the fact that they cannot be the end result of random mutation, which they are too perfect to be anything but genetically engineered beings.

These humanoids appear to be highly attractive females, of which the shortest is about eight feet in height, while the largest can tower upwards of fourteen feet, although specimens of this height are rare indeed. They are exceptionally muscular and typically have quite large breasts, which again lends credence to the fact that they were created through genetic engineering. Their skin tones vary from near albino to jet black, with some odd colors such as green and red being thrown into the mix. Also their hair runs the entire spectrum, with several having colors that would make a peacock proud. Finally the same goes with the eye color, although deep brown and black is unheard of.

Most of the time they go around naked or wear ‘barely there’ wraps around their universally large breasts and the barest loincloth that they can get away with.  When engaged in combat wear elaborately crafted leather armor. They always use primitive weapons and the only ranged weapons they use are bows and thrown weapons. Although they are not adverse to using high tech melee weapons, although often they use them without realizing what they are.

They are typically found only in tropical lands and live in forests, often making their homes in the ruins of ancient towns or hidden facilities. They are very tribal and will go to war with one another on a regular basis, often just for sport. Still, they will fight one another for the most precious commodity that they know of… males.

As it turns out, these mutants are an exclusively female species. This in on itself is rather odd when one considers how many exclusively female mutant species can be found in the wastelands. Maybe the gods of radiation, toxins and mutation have a thing for women?

Simply put, they need Pure Human and Human males to reproduce. They will take Mutant Human males as well, but only if there is no sign of physical mutation. They are very racist when it comes to mutants and will not tolerate the presence of them, and certainly will not take them as mates.

Also they are very picky about their males. They have to be attractive to say the very least, but sometimes they will make due with any males that are available. Males to them are nothing more than pets, and if the pet is able to please them, then the pet is treated very well. Pets are given a great deal of freedom but are never allowed to leave.

Unfortunately unless a male is exceptionally strong (which means that they are also mutants), they rarely survive the mating habits. These humanoids are vivacious to say the least and their exuberance when it comes to mating typically kills the male. Although more often than not many males consider it one hell of a way to go.

Like normal human women, they gestate for nine months and give birth. The children are always female and if any show un-usual mutations, they are left in the wilderness to die. Hidden mutations are not uncommon, including mental mutations, but those who exhibit such are usually exiled upon discovery. This often leads to the exile being hunted and killed by other tribes, but rumors abound when it comes to smaller tribes of these exiles existing in the wastes, and these tribes have a serious grudge against their sisters.

Their lifestyle is very simple. They are hunter-gatherers, and even though no one who did not have a death-wish would ever say so in front of one of the women, they tend to be more than a little stupid. It does not mean that they are dangerous however.

Quite the contrary. They are exceedingly deadly in combat and have been known to come out on top even when dealing with foes armed with modern high tech weapons and armor. It has to be noted that they have a +10 to hit with all melee attacks and +7 to hit with ranged attacks due to their mutations and size.

When they are not crafting weapons and primitive armor, hunting, fishing, gardening or ‘playing’ with their literal boy toys, they love to fight. This is also how they determine who is the leader of the tribe. The strongest always leads until someone younger and stronger beats them in unarmed combat.

It should be noted that this unarmed combat is something that would be considered to be a wet dream of prepubescent males and always involves little to no clothing and interesting arenas.

They are also very vain and have a serious dislike for any females that are more attractive than they are, and will often simply kill any that they feel would be possible rivals. The plainer or homelier the woman, the more likely they are to get along with members of this race. 

Unless someone possesses the increased physical attribute (strength) mutation, sex with one of these women will always result in 6d10 points of damage per act. And they typically want sex at least three or four times a night. Anyone possessing this mutation or are capable of regeneration are safe. It is not that they are intentionally violent or trying to hurt their lover… it is the fact that they are so physically strong and exhuberant in the act that leads to injury.

Anyone capable of having sex with them and who survive the experience can find that live can be very pleasant – as long as they are able to keep up with the ‘ahem’ always horny lover.

They will often trade with outsiders, as long as the outsiders are female and not attractive. Males are usually kidnapped and forced into servitude, and when others come to get them back, there is a fight to the end. What they will trade are beautifully crafted armor and skimpy clothing and primitive weapons. They are also excellent cooks and will trade meat and prepared dishes in exchange for livestock, fabric and hides and of course males. The prettier the better.

Due to their low intelligence, they are often duped by those who are not quite so morally adjusted, as they often trade away artifacts and other items that they have no idea what they are or what they can be used for.

If someone manages to use them in such a manner, the results can be horrific and very deadly. Stupid they may be, they are still deadly warriors and will not take kindly to insults or slights of any sort.

And of course if they are male, they are always executed via sex.

Again, some consider this a very pleasant way to go.

Mutations: Atrophied Cerebellum (modified, Intelligence is 4+1d3) (d), bizarre appearance (skin, hair and eye coloration)(d), combat empathy, gigantism, increased physical attribute (strength), intellectual affinity (martial), pain insensitivity (d), quickness.

Source: Futurama

Chris Van Deelen is the author of the Skirmisher Publishing LLC sourcebook Creatures of the Tropical Wastes sourcebook, co-author of its Wisdom from the Wastelands game supplement and contributor to the 'Sword of Kos: Hekaton' Anthology.