Mystored's Conversation: A Nuisance Spell for Pathfinder

William T. Thrasher
From the horse's . . .

If you could talk with the animals, and learn their languages, think of all the time that you could waste! Anyone skilled in inter-species communication understands that conversations with animals are best kept short. Few beasts of the field have anything more interesting to say than "Food!?" and "Mate!?" We can be thankful that when we don't have to hear the true meanings behind the chirps, purrs, whinnies, and growls that surround us every day. But if you really want to get your enemy's goat, consider casting Mystored's Conversation upon his animal companion or livestock.

MYSTORED'S CONVERSATION

School illusion; Level druid 2, ranger 2, sorcerer/wizard 3

Casting Time 1 standard action

Components V, S, M (a spoonful of peanut butter)

Range close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)

Target one living animals incapable of speech

Duration 1 day per level (D)

Saving Throw Will negates (animal); Spell Resistance yes (animal)

This spell imbues the chosen animal with the gift of speech, though not the intelligence or tact to use this gift well. The animal speaks and understands one language you know, chosen when the spell is cast. The animal speaks its mind, constantly filling the air with simple thoughts, heedless of how others might react. This doesn't make training the animal any easier.

Example Horse Conversation: "Walk forward. Walk forward. Is that grass? That is grass. Walk forward. Better defecate."

Example Dog Conversation: "Hello! I love you! CAT! This is interesting! I love everyone! SQUIRREL! Can I eat that? Can I eat that? Can I eat that?"

Example Cat Conversation: "Shut up and pet me. No, that's too much! That'd better be food. Whatever. I love me. I taste like me. WHAT!? Whatever."