Oddities for a Ren Faire

What could be more amusingly odd than Renaissance Faires, whose quirkiness starts with that extraneous “e” that they somehow need to have? Following are some of the weird things, some truer to life than we might like to admit, that one might find at a place of this sort …

01 — Some 4d8 giant chess pieces of various sorts, each at least seven feet high and about half of them black and half of them white, are lined up in one to four rows in a particular area. Examination — and possibly some signs — will reveal that these structures have doors, and that they are actually painted and embellished porta-potties.

02 — An off-white edifice that is 4d6 feet in height sits within an open area, and looks more-or-less like 1) the Leaning Tower of Pisa; 2) the Eiffel Tower; 3) the Empire State Building; 4) the Taj Mahal; 5) the Golden Gate of Kyiv; 6) something else. Examination will reveal that this thing is made from thousands of turkey leg bones.

03 — An attractive woman in the authentic Renaissance-era garb of a fine lady sings and plays an appropriate instrument (e.g., lute, harp), producing some of the most beautiful music of this sort you have ever heard. She sells recordings of her work, but these are not just a bit overpriced, they are only available on media that is either somewhat or completely obsolete (e.g., CD, cassette, VHS, Beta, 8-track).

04 — A food stand with the sign “Authentic Ren Fare” serves one or more of the following items (roll d10): 1-2) turkey legs; 3) deep-fried candy bars; 4) pickled lupini beans; 5) pizza; 6) pre-packaged sandwiches and snacks; 7) cheese soup in bread bowls; 8) falafel; 9) gyros; 10 popcorn.

05 — A Random Ren Faire Personage (see table below) approaches you and begins acting out their role. They are not necessarily very good, but will not break character no matter what, even upon threat of violence, regardless of their own or someone else’s welfare, how much they are annoying those they accost, urgent needs for real-world information, etc.

06 — A blacksmith toils away over an anvil, beating a piece of iron that he holds with a pair of tongs. His forge is cold, however (but possibly illuminated with a light bulb), and all of the weapons hanging on surrounding racks are made of wood, foam, or rubber.

07 — An unattended “unicorn,” presumably a normal horse with a horn affixed to its forehead, saunters past. It might be of any color, size, or type.

08 — A group of d4x wandering minstrels serves as a heavy metal cover band, playing songs by Metallica, Iron Maiden, and AC/DC on authentic, non-electric, Renaissance-era instruments.

09 — A pair of characters dressed as Medieval peasants walks by pulling a cart and, in between repeating the phrase “Bring out your dead!”, offer people rides in it.

10 — Six women dressed as noble ladies walk past, four of them bearing some token sign of having been executed in a particular way, and all of them telling the tales of woe associated with their marriage to King Henry VIII of England.

Random Ren Faire Personages

01 — Henry VIII

02 — Pirate (50% likely to be Jack Sparrow)

03 — Ninja

04 — Fairy

05 — Minstrel

06 — Highlander (90% likely to be Connor MacLeod or Braveheart)

07 — Someone in a canvas “utili-kilt”

08 — Lady-in-waiting

09 — Viking

10 — Modern superhero