Oddities for a Fumble Table!

SO a while back I posted (via Twitter) a link I found to a ridiculous Combat Fumble Table (obviously intended to be taken with tongue firmly planted in . . .  cheek)! But it has garnered enough attention, and generated suffiicient amusement, that it is probably worth doing an Oddities list for it, as we have done in the past with 100 Oddities for a Creepy Old House, or any of our other best selling Oddities titles on DrivethruRPG.

Credit goes to Dyson Logos, of Dyson's Dodecahedron for the original concept. Also check there for Fantastic Maps for your games!

Here's a d20's worth to start, but feel free to add to the nonsense - can we get this up to a d100 table before Monday?

1 - Roll your damage dice seven times, discard the lowest roll. Take the rest as damage.

2 - You pretend to be juggling your weapon, Make a Dexterity or Performance check, or suffer rolled damage.

3 - Your weapon shatters into an appealing fractal pattern dealing rolled damage to you and any allies within 3d12 feet.

4 - Take one die from each of your opponents, roll them and add the result. Take that damage.

5 - Consign the offending die to the betrayer pile, take a pic of the die and post about how it betrayed you.

6 - Throw the offending dice at the wall. Take the rolled damage.

7 - You have done so poorly that you inspire a drinking game: Roll damage for your attack, take that many shots.

8 - You miss and spin around, impaling your weapon in the hindparts of the nearest donkey.

9 - Your attempt is so ludicrous that your intended target takes 1d4 internal damage from uncontrollable laughter.

10 - Your fumble has attracted the wrath of a scornful deity, who will subject you to a stormcloud that hovers over your head,  occasional lightning bolts and mocking celestial laughter for 1d6+1d4+1d3+1d2 days. 

11 - You hear the sound of a rimshot on a snare drum, but suffer no other torment.

12 - roll 2d3 for the number of allies you afflict, divide your roll damage by the result, inflicting that amount on each of them.

13 - Never mind - just go . . .

14 - Your attack was so terrible that you kill yourself AND raise your self immediately as undead.

15 - You and your target each lose your next action, as you share a moment of hilarity.

16 - Your attack inscribes the first letter of your opponent's name in your own backside.

17 - Succeed at a Will Save (Difficulty = to your damage roll) to bear the scorn of your opponent's sneer, then attack immediately at +10.

18 - Swear an oath never to fight again, take up the life of a monk, or (if male) a nun.

19 - You trip, falling 3d100 yards.

20 - You apologize for not giving this your best effort, and ask your opponent if he would mind if you went again.