The Most Lamentable Battle of the Nemean Baths

This excellent poem, "The Most Lamentable Battle of the Nemean Baths," was composed in Satyric Hexameter by Kanchazo Winevine, Drunken Dreamer of Dionysius, and inspired by the events commemorated in d-Infinity Live's recent "In the Footsteps of Hercules: At the Baths of Nemea" D&D 5E actual play session! 

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Sing, oh satyr, the wrath of pilgrims, taking a bath, at

A band of Spartan kids, ball-tossers, fighting with sodden towels.

Beaten up by a well-trained monk, Abderos, hard fist of Hermes,

Deianeira, Amazon rider, pushing a way through the feeble ranks,

Fast-witted Vafea, towel hitting fat pecs, painful retribution,

Finally Eumaios, peltast of Kos, bent his strong arm to save the fools

From drunken Chaz, satyr eyes red with rage, his drinking interrupted.

Spartan kids, harpastum players, led by a git, laugh at the sorry lot,

Proclaiming themselves Spartan hoplites, but in truth only Helots.