Kung Fu Zombies!

March 2, 2014 Chris Van Deelen

As many of my readers know, I study Shaolin Kung Fu. I have been doing so for six years now and it is part of my life. My training has even spread into my artistic life. The novel that I wrote ‘Sword of Kos: Dark Inheritance’ is a fantasy novel all about three students of Kung Fu! Of course since the novel is set in ancient Greece, it’s not called Kung Fu. But that’s only a minor detail.

A few weeks back I was hit with a brainstorm. Technically it stretches further back than a few weeks, but I’ll get to that in a moment. I thought that maybe it would be lots of fun to teach a class that involves a specific theme.

Chris Van Deelen is the author of the Skirmisher Publishing LLC sourcebook Creatures of the Tropical Wastes sourcebook and co-author of its Wisdom from the Wastelands game supplement.

Since I also happen to love the whole zombie genre, and have written two novels based upon the zombie apocalypse, I thought that it might be a great deal of fun to teach a class to the students on how to use Kung Fu to survive a zombie attack!

After I discussed it with my friend and teacher Terry Friesen, the owner of the studio that I train in, he thought it would be a great idea as well. So we briefly hammered out the techniques that I would touch upon during the class and it was a go.

My son agreed to dress up like the zombie in order to help me demonstrate the various techniques, and I also went as far as to teach the class all the various bits of zombie lore that I have gained over the years.

The class was a great deal of fun! I dressed up in my tactical vest, loaded it up with several air-soft guns and a practice sword that I own. The kids had no idea what they were in store for, only that we had a very special class planned for them. It turned out better than I had hoped it would have, although it was often like trying to herd chickens, the kids were so excited.

I even went as far as to located the Rules of Zombieland and printed them out and modified them ever so slightly (to make them kid friendly) and printed them out as a handout for the kids to enjoy.

At the end of this particular blog I will include the same list of rules for your viewing pleasure.

I think that for March we will use a theme on weapon defense, inspired by Revolution and the Emberverse series of novels. I’ll be talking to my friend and teacher Terry about what sort of props and techniques we will be using for that particular class.

Last week I did not do any work on the sourcebooks. Instead I was too caught up in working on the second of a series of short stories that I will use to help promote my novel. This particular entry is called ‘Legend’ and is all about the reputation Viya has for being dangerous and hot-tempered. I wrote just over 5000 words in two days.

Turns out that this particular story is a lot of fun to write!

Yesterday I was checking out some DVD’s to add to my already massive collection and found ‘Wolverine’. It is one that I had neglected to purchase and add and of course I remedied that right away.

But it got me thinking. Wolverine, the older Logan got, the better a fighter he became. Of course all gamers know that as going up in level and gaining new abilities and improving on the old.

But how would I translate that into old school Mutant Future?

Then it occurred to me. The game already has a basic system in place that allows the player to roll on a chart and gain one of several different bonuses to improve their character as the character advances level. So I figured, why not just expand upon that chart somewhat, add a few different potential rewards?

And then I thought, why not make a list of possible rewards, and assign a value to each, and then allow the character to be awarded a certain number of points? They could possibly gain more than a single reward for going up a level, or use all the points to gain a single slightly more powerful reward.

As my mind is likely to do, I thought about it even more. I then came up with an idea that involves possible ‘pathways’ that a character could take. These are not full classes, but instead suggestions that instead of gaining a generic reward, the character could choose a specific ‘pathway’ and gain rewards based upon that particular path.

For example – a character could take the ‘melee fighter’ path and gain bonuses to hit and damage with melee weapons. Or maybe a ‘ranged fighter’ who uses primitive weapons and gain similar bonuses. And then maybe a ‘tech’ path that gives the character bonuses to figuring out and repairing artifacts.

See where this is going? I’m going to write this up as an issue of Wisdom from the Wastelands and see about getting it published after my two radiation issues are complete. I have a feeling that this might turn out to be one of the more popular issues.

And now for some big news (well, big is all in the individual eye of the beholder). I’ve created my own Facebook Author’s page. I don’t expect to see it grow fast, as I am still quite unknown but I have an ever growing influence and presence in certain groups and this will only grow.

So if you are on Facebook but don’t want to add me as a friend, feel free to ‘like’ my author page. There I will post about what I am working on and so forth, and will leave my day to day life on my personal page.

Even though the picture that is accompanying this blog is not the usual artwork by the most talented Giorgio Alfonso Maesa I still can’t recommend enough that you go and check out his work on Deviantart! Seriously, you won’t be disappointed. I can see this young man going far in his career.

The picture that I have chosen to use is from the training session on Monday, Feb. 24^th, 2014. Shows yours truly in the outfit I decided to wear. Tactical vest, airsoft pistols, practice sword, all the goodies you would need to survive in the zombie apocalypse.

Just for the hell of it I have also included the list of rules from Zombieland. I had to cut a few out and tone it down a little as this was a print-out that I made to hand out to the students at the end of the class. They ate it up! Well, figuratively of course.

Finally since a lot of this blog was about zombies, I posted a short story that I wrote for my best friend back around Christmas 2011. It’s called Training Day.

Have a great week, stay warm, and as always, peace!

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Rules to Survive the Zombie Rising

Cardio: Without a doubt, the most important rule. If you tire too quickly, you’ll never escape the living dead. I hope you brought a fat guy with you…
The Double Tap: Sometimes the first round will not cause enough damage. Be sure to put an extra shot between those beady blood-shot eyes…
Beware of Bathrooms: A necessary evil, but they’re usually confined and enclosed. Remember the old saying about bears and woods… best to follow their example.
Wear Seat Belts: Those pesky undead have a habit of stepping out into the road without looking both ways. Hit one and if you’re not wearing your seatbelt, you could find yourself airborne!
The “Skillet”: You will run out of ammo, and your knives and bladed weapons may get stuck, but always keep a blunt weapon handy. Just don’t drop it!
Travel Light: Do you really need those toys? How about that makeup? No one is going to care what you look like after the rising. Don’t weigh yourself down with items that you can’t use to survive! That extra pound of useless stuff can cost you cardio. See Rule 1.
Get a Kick Butt Partner: Don’t kid yourself, you can’t go it alone. Have someone who you can rely on to watch your six. Just make sure you’re not fatter than they are!
With your Bare Hands: No weapon is fool-proof. After all, fools are so darned ingenious! You can’t drop your hands, just make sure you don’t get those pinkies of yours within biting range.
Don’t Swing Low: Sure, taking that undead out at the knees so they have to crawl after you may be a good idea at the time, but if you don’t finish it off, being low to the ground means that they can attack you from grass or under a vehicle. Always go for the head!
Use Your Foot: Steel-toe boots baby! Your best weapon. Ever hear of curb-stomping? Regular shoes could easily be penetrated by bone shards. Protect your feet and always use them to either kick your zombie partner to permanent death, or the best defense there is… RUN!
Bounty Paper Towels: The quicker picker-uper! A million and one uses… Good for staunching a nasty wound. I just hope that wasn’t from a bite…
Shake it Off: Aw… you got a booboo? Well can you still run? Can you still fight? You better or I’m leaving you behind!
Always carry a change of underwear: It’s a scary new world out there, and I don’t care how tough you are, you’re going to have the crap scared out of you… literally! Make sure you have a change handy. See rule 6.
Bowling Ball: Sure, they’re heavy and clumsy to use, but if you have one handy, and there are a hoard of zombies coming toward you, what do you have to lose? Again though, refer to rule 6!
Opportunity Knocks: When it does, take advantage of it. Found a cache of food? Take it! Have a chance to rest or use the bathroom, take it! But never forget rule 3…
Don’t be a hero: Everyone wants to be ‘That Guy’, the hero that saves the day. One word… DON’T! More often than not it’ll get you and others killed. Think before you act.
Limber Up: Cold muscles tear easy. You won’t always get a chance to do so, but if you can, stretch, do jumping jacks, push-ups, sit-ups. Your body WILL thank you!
Break it Up: Those people you are with will keep you alive. Put aside your differences and remember that you are part of a team. It’s going to be tense and tempers will flare but when the undead come knocking, do you really want your companion to remember that slight? Nope. If he / she does, they may leave you as zombie-chow. Get over it and work together!
It’s a marathon, not a sprint, unless it’s a sprint, then sprint: Thankfully the undead are slow and stupid. If you have a pack on your tail, remember rule 1. Maintain your energy. But occasionally you may have to run like the devil himself is on your tail. There are other things out there like feral dogs. You need to know when to run like heck, and when to maintain a steady pace!
When in doubt Know your way out: Pay attention to your surroundings! No matter where you go, look around and find all ways in and out. Doing so WILL save your life!
Zipplock: Like Bounty (see Rule 11), this is very important. Zip-lock baggies are great for food, but they are also great for storing ammunition and other small items. Not only will this not be loose and easily lost, but it will keep your precious store of ammunition dry! Wet ammo equals a non functioning firearm. Better have that blade or melee weapon ready…
Shoot First: It doesn’t matter if the body is not moving, see rule 2 and follow it without hesitation. Leaving just one body CAN and WILL cost you!
A little sun screen never hurt anybody: Sure, that tan looks wonderful but what about when you spend too much time outside? Sunburns are painful and pain is a distraction. Distraction is equal to death. There are other health reasons to always protect yourself against the sun.
Incoming!: NEVER ignore this! Your buddy is warning you that the dead have come a-courting. But this doesn’t just apply to the walking dead. Other survivors can be hostile so always heed your fellow survivor’s warnings.
Double-Knot your Shoes: Tell me what will happen if you’re running from a hoard of walkers and your shoe-laces come undone. Exactly.
The Buddy System: This goes hand in hand with Rule 7 and 16. A buddy will keep you alive. Be it a supply run, or just travelling from one location to another. You can’t keep your eyes on everything at all times. That extra set of eyes is vital to survival. And if you’re angry at your buddy, refer to rule 18,
Pack your stain stick: The walking dead hunt through several methods. We know they use sight and sound, but smell as well. Body odor attracts the dead. And your buddy will thank you after a long, sweaty day.
Check the back seat: The dead are sneaky devils. A vehicle that seems safe could easily be hiding a corpse ready to snack on your unprotected vitals. It takes a second and that second can save your life.
Enjoy the little things: Things have gone to heck in a hand-basket real fast. It’s easy to lose hope and give up. Never do this. Take a second if it is safe and smell the flowers or enjoy that scavenged chocolate bar. It helps relieve stress and you will feel better for it.
Swiss army Knife: If you find one, hold onto it. These little marvels of technology contain numerous tools that will help you cut your lunch and open cans, to unscrewing screws or bolts when you have no tools handy. If you find multiples, make sure your companions and buddies have these.
The Zombie Survival Guide: This was written for entertainment, before it was discovered that the walking dead were real. If you can find a copy read it and keep it with you. Fiction it may be, but the advice is invaluable!