Oddities for a Malfunctioning Robot

William T. Thrasher
That's one angry automaton.

Normally when compiling tables of new oddities we concern ourselves with strange finds, anomalous objects, atypical environments, and other things of a physical nature. However, this week we're taking things in a whole new direction, creating a list of oddities based on behavior, and the cause of said behavior. And robots. Because everything is better when it involved robots. With that in mind, enjoy oddities for a malfunctioning robot.

1. The robot turns itself off. If the robot is turned on again, it boots up, offers a simple greeting, then turns itself off again.

2. The robot franticly searches for tools. If the robot manages to find any tools, it begins disassembling itself piece by piece. If the robot has build-in tools (such as a repair mech or tech droid) it is somehow oblivious to the fact that it always has what it seaks. However, if this is pointing out, it will immediately begin disassembling itself with its built-in tools.

3. The robot speaks backwards, writes backwards, and listens backwards, The only way to communicate with it is to speak in reverse.

4. The robot appears to function normally until twelve o'clock, at which point in emmits a loud whistler, announces, "Lunch Break!" and begins smashing food into its vox port.

5. The robot, regardless of its function, insists it is a vending machine and keeps offering snacks and drinks it clearly doesn't possess.

6. The robot randomly modulates the volume of its voice, ranging from barely audible whispers to booming like a megaphone.

7. The robot falls in love with the next human it sees, spreading its arms and following its beloved around, seeking an embrace.

8. The robot moves forward until it slams into a wall, backs ups, turns 90 degrees in a random direction, and repeats the process.

9. The robot disassembles any weapon left unattended, disposing of the parts in the nearest waste receptacle. If confronted about this behavior, the robot rambles on about everything that could possibly go wrong.

10. The robot forgets anything it's been told after 1d6 minutes.

11. The robot scrawls "H8" over every surface.

12. The robot cannot perceive anyone dressed in blue.

13. The robot does nothing, ignoring all stimuli. If the robot is physically disturbed in any way, it falls apart, proving to be nothing but an empty chassis.

14. The robot continually clutches ineffectively at a foreign circuit plugged into one of it's ports, like a dog trying to dislodge a tick. If anyone else attempts to remove the circuit, the robot swats their hand away.

15. When under any kind of stress, the robot holds one arm out to its side, holds its other arm akimbo, and rocks back and forth shouting "I'm a teapot! I'm A Tea Pot!"

16. Sparking wires trail from an open panel in the robot's chassis.

17. The robot speaks with an exaggerated southern accent, peppering its speech with stereotypical cowboy phrases.

18. When left unsupervised the robot builds shoddy imitations of itself from empty boxes and discarded cans. If it is asked what it is doing, it states that it is building a family. It cans names each of its "relations" and and concoced an elaborate background for each one.

19. If threatened or ordered to fight, the robot rips off one of its own limbs to use as a blugeoning weapon.

20. The robot leaks lubricant excessively, leaving hazardous puddles in its wake.

We'll be adding to this table in the following days, and you're welcome to do the same. As always our goal will be to create a list of 100 original oddities by the end of the week.